#Authorinterview with Lynn Lobban
Today, Feathered Quill reviewer Diane Lunsford is talking with Lynn Lobban, author of One of the Boys: Surviving Dartmouth, Family, and the Wilderness of Men.
FQ: I was instantly fascinated with your memoir with the title (and subtitles) of your book. I was intrigued by the one tag line: ‘…and the wilderness of men…’ Please elaborate on your definition of wilderness in terms of its usage with men.
LOBBAN: Dartmouth’s motto is “A voice crying out in the wilderness.” I certainly felt I was crying out as one of seven women on a campus of three-thousand men. As I tried to blaze a path that hadn’t existed before, I was on a mission to prove I was equal to any man. Personally though. As I look back at my own relationships and marriages, it tended to feel like I was hacking through untamed territory. Theirs and mine.
FQ: I’m assuming you are still living in Los Angeles. What is the one thing that stands out that has drastically changed from when you first moved there to today?
LOBBAN: Funny you should ask. In February 2020 I put all my belongings in storage (in LA) and was making my back to NY. Then Covid hit. So I took everything out of storage and resettled in Santa Monica to sit out the pandemic. A year later, my first grandchild was born (in LA) and then my daughter had a baby (in NY), so I put things back in storage in December 2022 and have been bouncing between coasts trying to be “super Grammy.” Not having a home has been tiring to say the least, but now I’m making moves back to NY where I once lived for 42 years. Basically I’m a New Yorker even in LA. But how have things changed? Like many places, but especially here and LA, things are so expensive! Honestly, it feels like NY is for those who have never left their affordable apartments and the very rich.
FQ: Out of your well-rounded credentials of actor, singer, and writer, what do you enjoy engaging in most and why?
LOBBAN: Probably singing, which sadly I haven’t been doing much of lately. Think it tops everything because it’s such a full use of one’s body, breath, expression. And I love music (like most humans). I also tend to approach songs as an actor, so singing kills two birds.
FQ: You captured a quote from the iconic Maya Angelou at the very end of your credits that was quite powerful: “I wouldn’t take nothing for my journey now,” I would be lying if I didn’t say I’m glad this part of it is over. May we all find peace.” I think your acknowledgement to her quote is wonderful. At what point in your incredibly layered life journey did you realize it was time for you to have peace? How do you embrace your peace now?
LOBBAN: Honestly, am still realizing it. It’s been such a long journey and I am still in the acceptance stage. Writing and putting the book out made my history more painfully real in terms of feeling the grief. I am still working through it. Also finding peace especially hard to come by living in this awful time we are in. Why I practice transcendental meditation, read a lot of Pema Chodron, and go to 12-step meetings. I need all the help I can get!
FQ: I once read that ‘forgiveness’ is not an invitation to welcome someone back into your life who has hurt you. Rather, it is a means to heal your own being to release the hurt from within. What is your view on forgiveness?
LOBBAN: I think forgiveness can’t be forced and shouldn't be. It comes, or doesn’t, after whatever work one needs to do. I find the whole “forgive the person but not the act” confusing because the act doesn’t exist without the person. But I have stopped worrying about forgiveness. Having to get to it as if it should fix everything. For me, it’s all about letting go.
FQ: As a writer, I often find myself trying to instill the importance of reading and the wonderful escape a great book provides. In a world of rapidly advancing technology and perpetual scrolling, what would you say to our young adults to convince them of the great benefits of putting down their cell phone and picking up a book from time to time?
LOBBAN: That it will help them with focus in general, not to mention lower their chances of dementia later? Honestly, don’t know. My alcoholic mother was a voracious reader and I turned on my TV in rebellion, and I loved movies. She used to tell that I was “ruining my mind” and that I should read a book. I didn’t listen to her. TV helped me survive my alcoholic home. I probably read more now than I ever have, though as a young adult I was all over self-help books.
FQ: You clearly have an artistic calling. If you were asked to produce a play on one of our current events of today, what would the subject matter be and why would you choose this?
LOBBAN: Actually just finished a play called Food about end of life issues and women’s eating disorders. Always interested in plays/musicals about women. Sorry I missed Suffs when it was on Broadway.
FQ: I am curious to know your experience in writing One of the Boys. Were there times when you had to walk away because of the raw nature of the scene? If so, how did you overcome the stall and get back to writing?
LOBBAN: It took a long time to write and finish the book, but I never gave myself a hard time (or worried) when I needed a break. I always went back to it though because I wanted my story out there. I thought it might help others which is always a powerful motivation to keep going. I will say I had to learn to write and cry at the same time. In fact, when I would cry, I knew I was going as deep as I needed to go.
FQ: I enjoyed your view on ‘…one of the lies I told myself in order to survive was that I didn’t need help…” Help comes in many forms. How much of this came from your siblings and how did that fuel your inspiration to keep telling your story?
LOBBAN: Not at all from my siblings. They were horrified I was revealing family secrets even though I clearly state at the start that the book is only my story. My relationships with my brother and sister were never close in the way I think of as close—we’re so different in so many ways—but now they feel non-existent. Help has always come from my close friends and colleagues. They feel more like family to me and I’m okay with that.
FQ: It’s been such a pleasure to chat with you today. I applaud you for having the strength and courage to pen such an impactful body of work. Are you working on anything new? If so, can you share? If not… when?
LOBBAN: I have a few essays on Substack and am about to post a new one about the parallels between the political time we’re in and an alcoholic home. Think I will work on a solo show where I can write, act, sing, and even dance!
Thank you! This was a pleasure!
