Wednesday, April 13, 2011

“You Shall Love No Other God But Me!” ...Love, Mom

by Amy Lignor of The Write Companion

A Touch of Humor Blog:

“You Shall Love No Other God But Me!” …Love, Mom

In some houses the phrase, “Wait until your father gets home!” was a familiar mantra.  Not in mine.  When the eyes of God were upon you in my house…it was Mom.  She was the owner of the look.  You know?  THE LOOK!  When ‘The Look’ came over her face even the cat, (who belonged to her), hightailed it out of the room so fast, it was like Superman had been called to a natural disaster.  Even Mom’s favorite dog, Jo-Jo, had the common sense to leave the room and send me or my sister a glance back over his shoulder that said, “Sorry, hon.  But at least it’s not my fault.”  Mom was, and is, a great mother.  She never believed in laying a hand on a child.  Of course, she didn’t need to, ‘The Look’ was worse than anything I’ve seen; even the ‘Texas Chainsaw Killer’ didn’t look that scary.  This week, I’m going to tell you about Mom.  I swear, they’ve made some very good movies and television shows about this woman.

Mom, The Barbarian:  I was overweight and my sister was…meek.  These were the two difficulties we had to struggle with growing up.  I never met a bread product that I didn’t like (so other kids made sure to tease me at every turn); and, my sister brought gum to school everyday so the mean b…I mean, girls, would leave her alone and/or be her friend.  Mom didn’t take kindly to seeing us cry.  Therefore, whenever someone was mean to us, she slipped on that armor and made sure that other kids “rued” the day they ever spoke a bad word about her daughters.

Mom, The Vampire Slayer:  At a young age I had a gallbladder attack (apparently the bread products were a bad thing).  Upside?  Not a lot of teasing occurred from then on out.  Downside?  Those boys began appearing.  Only one broke my heart, but when he went for the jugular Mom took him out!  She didn’t need a stake - ‘The Look’ worked just fine.  Even those morons had the brains to know they were about to see Heaven first hand.  With my sister?  ‘The Look’ worked the same way.  Boys fell into that cemetery…and they never reappeared again.

The Good Wife:  Mom and Dad had a special relationship.  They almost never got mad at each other - except when he drained the milk and left the carton in the fridge; or he piled the garbage pail up so high that when she walked through the pantry in fell like a Las Vegas casino that’d seen its final days.  Dad always giggled when she mumbled angrily from the kitchen…but that was about it.  (She got him back by rearranging the furniture so that he would come in and trip over the couch).  But they always sat in the living room at night, and looked over at each other every once in a while.  They said that they were “checking on each other.”  I know he still does that…every time he looks down from Heaven.

Mary-’an’ The Librarian:  Mom worked at the local library for most of her life.  She loves books and has more knowledge in her little finger than a Yale graduate could ever hope to have in his whole head.  She turned my sister and I on to the power of books and, because of her passion for the written word, I was able to go after my dream.

Friends:  There was a time in my life when I couldn’t speak to anyone about certain things.  It was one of those ‘dark’ adolescent times in life where you knew everything and the rest of the world knew nothing.  Every night when I came home, there would be a folded letter on my pillow.  The letters were always words of encouragement, words of love, and a reminder that Mom was there if I ever needed or wanted to talk about anything.  The letters were signed ‘Me’ with the smiley face underneath.  Those letters got me through more than she will ever know.

My Mother’s Daughter:  Time has gone by; my sister and I have brought our own children into the world, and the perfect Mom became the perfect Grandma.  She has taught my daughter a great many things, just like she did me.  And, thankfully, I was smart enough to remember all she taught so I could pass the gifts of knowledge, love, acceptance, and encouragement on to my own child.  Now, my daughter calls me the perfect Mom, and the ring on her cell phone lights up with the word ‘God’ whenever I call her.  Of course, I’m not God.  I‘m just her daughter. 

A very, very grateful daughter.  Me

1 comment:

  1. This is hilarious, although in my house my dad was definitely the one with The Look. My mom had an arsenal of her own, though, which started with The Pinch.